all this talk of vanilla extract is reminding me of this tumblr screenshot classic

hey girl will you be the loser liege lord to my second century warlord this valentine’s day

we need to make an add-on that gives you the dictionary definition of queerbait every time you make a post accusing a show of it because i saw someone call bowser/luigi queerbaiting and. i have officially had enough. if you hand to god thought that nintendo entertainment was going to let that lizard turtle monster raw the little green plumber guy then that is entirely your fault. i cannot help you any more.

I'm DONE ! I'm leaving now FOREVER and you CANT STOP ME no matter what I'm GOING !!!

............. I'm back .

TONIGHT. WE’RE DRINKING FROM THE POND.

where did op go?

We walked into the hallway to get to our hotel room and I lost it laughing

sometimes watching star trek is like "how did this shit get approved" and it's 45 minutes of the most homosexual activity you'll ever see on screen that probably barely got past the censors and sometimes it's like "how did this shit get approved" and it's 45 minutes of the worst writing you'll ever see y'know

Moment of silence for Panic! At the Disco I guess

By Fall Out Boy

How does it feel to be the funniest person on my dash today

what the fuuuuuck

this is a short horror story

Please make sure to reblog this with the explanation you guys:

The toddler doesn’t know Alexa is a name; as far as they’re concerned it’s a word that makes things happen. If the kid was saying “please play baby shark” it would mean literally the same thing to them because they don’t really understand language yet.

The toddler is mimicking adult behavior because they have seen adults say things that start with “Alexa” and have learned that starting a request with “Alexa” makes it more likely to be fulfilled. This kid has learned something about how their world works purely through observation! This isn’t a bad thing! It’s just been misapplied and it’s up to the parents to correct their speech as they grow enough to understand the difference.

1. That is absolutely an accurate assessment about what is technically happening from a language development perspective
2. That the child is holding his mother’s face and speaking into her eyes the magic command that makes things happen does not make this any less of a horror story

I’ve never been so taken out by a response

I got to see mom do this once. It was… terrifying. I was moving into my first apartment, and my buddy had just moved into a place about half a mile away, and he was almost crying with rage because of some of the safety issues the apartment had with the wiring. There were a whole host of other problems, but that one was about safety and it should not have been a thing. Mom gathered us up, and drove to the leasing office. When we got there, she informed him (not asked. She’d walked his apartment, noted everything she disliked (she had much higher standards than he did) and she was PISSED) that he was to keep his mouth shut, make whatever expressions she cued him on, and pretend he understood whenever she and I switched languages and we’d fill him in afterwards. (I have been used as a complainant prop before. I know what my job is when she’s on this warpath; thankfully she does not use her powers for evil.)

It took her all of twenty minutes to have a promise in writing from the son of the owner for everything to be fixed by a specific date and also to install a ceiling fan at no cost to my friend. In that meeting, she managed to leverage his church, his family, his reputation, the concept of a gentleman, the biblical concept of how to treat the poor, how people would treat his children, once they were grown, and the concept of a self-made man (which my friend is trying very hard to be), Christian morality, what it means to be a community institution, real estate law, and honestly, I forget what else. She’d never met him before. She does not live in our city -or state, for that matter. We’re not Christian. She did a cold-read of him based on his office, face, clothing, and posture (he didn’t give us his last name -the ‘related to the owner’ was a guess that turned out to be lucky), and hit every point of pride or insecurity she could find. When some things still hadn’t been taken care of a week later, she *called his father* and implied that he’d failed as a man and a parent since his son hadn’t yet honored his word. My friend had the fan that day, and the remaining safety issues were taken care of on top of it. No yelling, no threats, it was just a calm, ‘friendly’ conversation. My friend does not do subtext; he knew the social chess game was going on, but not how it worked. 

tl;dr: I’ve seen my mother do this and holy shit this really should be a thing.

my momma is a retired union lawyer. you should see her tear into landlords and rich people. it’s like watching a lion devour a zebra.

Comrade Karen

I see now…“Karen” is a power that can be used for evil or good…

Listen you are all gonna lose your shit once you find out where there’s a company where that is literally their whole business model. They are called “Karens for Hire” and their whole thing is helping out exploited people get justice - essentially complaining to the right people and making themselves heard.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/dc-md-va/2022/12/26/karens-for-hire-customer-service-complaints/

Fuck. Those fuckers at the store sold me No Purpose Flour again. What the fuck do I do with this

you laugh. my flour is bereft of purpose and you mock me. hell upon you, fool